HSG Results- *Oddly At Peace*

First off, thank you to all of the amazing people who have been so supportive, encouraging and optimistic. I am very grateful!

As you all know, the HSG test (hysterosalpingogram) was done today. I decided to be completely honest in case anyone else has to schedule and deal with one of these tests. Everyone's experiences are different and there are several factors that contribute to pain/results. The following was my experience;

Results: my right tube is completely blocked/closed. After pushing and pushing, the dye would not go through. HOWEVER, my left tube is free and clear and looking good. My uterus and cervix appear to be "normal" and healthy. There were no fibroids or issues detected other than the right fallopian tube.

What I Experienced: It wasn't as bad as I'd imagined, however, it was painful and no where near a "menstrual cramp" for me. I psyched myself up for the catheter and that was oddly the easiest part. The spectrum would not stay in position. Apparently, my super vagina was too strong and kept squeezing it shut. I tried all I could to "relax the girl" but she bit down hard. It took 4 times of him adjusting the spectrum to get it to stay in one position. The first time it hurt really bad because it "collapsed" and pinched my woohoo. This hurt pretty bad but, the very sweet doctor fixed it right away. After cleaning the cervix, and finally getting it adjusted, he tried inserting the catheter twice. It would not go in normal because again, "Super 'Gina" kept misbehaving. So the nurse gave him a clear, bendable catheter and that went right in. Granted it wasn't pleasant, it didn't hurt too bad. It just felt like a pinch/poke. I watched the crystal clear monitor and was amazed at my uterus. It looked so odd! He said it was in perfect position, with a perfect shape. That gave me some happiness. He then expanded the "balloon" and holy son of biscuit, that hurt! It was like a "pop" that gave me a HUGE cramp. I got through that because it lasted just a few seconds and then came the terrifying part. He told me he was injecting the dye and I instantly felt it. It was almost like a "warm" sensation and the "menstrual cramps" came. It immediately poured into and through the left ovary (I now call her "The Champ") but unfortunately did not go through the right one at all. Try as he might, he couldn't push a single drop through and eventually as I bit down crying my eyes out at the pain of it, he said "Okay, I am not going to push anymore. I'm so sorry dear." Everything was removed and I sat up. I was bawling like a baby (my anxiety mixed with the results of a painfully blocked tube were just too intense) and he looked at me with sincere eyes and explained that there is surgeries that can be done to open the blocked tube, however, I probably won't need that because women can still successfully get pregnant with only one tube. It will be about timing ovulation on the left side perfectly but it is possible. He informed me that everything else was healthy and normal and was a VERY respectful, informative, caring and attentive doctor. I am very thankful for that!

Afterwards: I felt dizzy at first when I stood up, but it passed quickly. It hurt to walk for a few minutes just because of the whole thing but that too passed quickly. However, with each bump in the car ride home or if I happened to lean a certain way my woohoo would yell at me to sit still. I came home and had some pinching and cramping so I took a pain pill and after eating lunch, I passed out for 2 hours. LOL (I only got 4 hours of sleep last night due to my ridiculous nerves)

Anyway, while I initially was emotionally disturbed, after about 20 minutes of crying and trying not to vomit, I calmed down and realized just how lucky I am. I might only have one good tube, but I am young and I have other things to my advantage. There are plenty of options for me and DH and right now, we are sticking to the Clomid for a few months. If by June we do not conceive this way, we will move on to IUI #1. That gives us just over 6 months to hit the exact time to conceive with the good fallopian tube and Clomid. If it doesn't happen, I have other options and will use them to my advantage. Technology is so amazing. After realizing my blessings, I have grown more and more appreciative and excited for the next step. DH and I learned what we needed to know. We've learned about his sperm, my lack of ovulation and my blocked tube. We know the chances, tricks and tips and we are going at this even stronger than before. I am very optimistic that 2012 will bring us our miracle baby and I pray that all of you lovely women struggling will receive the same blessing.

 XoXo

P.S. (I TOOK 1 IBUPROFEN 800 about 1 hour before the procedure and 1 Oxycodone 7.5 after the procedure)

Clomid Day 1, HSG tomorrow

Today is CD 6 and I took my first dose of Clomid. I don't have too many side effects other than I am really hungry all the time and some... *cough* arousal. LOL!

I have my HSG test scheduled for tomorrow morning. I am praying everything goes smoothly and that I have perfectly healthy, normal tubes. I hope that because I am young, everything will still be okay, but honestly, you just never know!!!! Whatever the outcome, I hope I can accept it and enjoy the holidays with my loved ones. Lots of prayers that everything is normal and healthy please!!!!!

I will post an update tomorrow once we get the results. Wish me lots of good fertility, and little to no pain!

XoXo

AF, Clomid and HSG... Oh My!

So, today is CD 2 and I am feeling much better now that AF has arrived. There is still cramping and back pain but it is a piece of cake compared to the last couple days. Goodness, all of this just makes me stop and think just how truly amazing women are built! I will never again take myself for granted.

I begin Clomid supplements on CD 6, 12/19/11 through 12/23/11. I am a bit nervous about the side effects but I feel I can handle them all. Here's hoping round number 1 works! :)

Now that AF arrived and is here for a bit, I was able to schedule the HSG test (hysterosalpingogram). I'm set to have that done on Tuesday, 12/20/11. This is the part that has me a nervous wreck. I recently did a little research and found a website that describes the procedure step-by-step. It's quite invasive *down there* and the part that scares me the worst is the dilating of the cervix. It doesn't sound pleasant at all. We've all had a spectrum down there, so that's rather normal, although still uncomfortable. Then I hear they put a clamp in? That reminds me of putting those clothes hangers on something sensitive... ouch! Then comes the dye injection. I hear it's mainly just uncomfortable unless the tubes are blocked and then it's painful. Either way, I am taking some painkillers beforehand. Whether I take a full-blown narcotic or an Ibuprofen 800 is still undecided.

I'm just worried about it all to be honest.... I'm not sure which will hurt worse; the procedure or the results? Fingers crossed that they are not blocked and that I receive nothing but good news!

Anyway now that I've made myself sick to my stomach, I better hop off of here and go do something productive!

XoXo

PROVERA WORKED!

Last night, around 10 pm, I started getting some intense cramps. They were tolerable. DH and I went to bed around 11 I simply could NOT fall asleep. The pain in my lower back and lower abdomen was so intense, I kept tossing and turning and trying not to scream. I took a super hot bath and cried. So, after the bath and talking to my oldest sister for nearly 2 hours via text, I finally felt sleepy enough to just fall asleep.



I woke up to take my BBT and wow... excruciating pain. At this point though, I could barely stand up from the toilet. My lower back is in so much pain. I feel like my insides are ripping out of me and then my feet and ankles started to ache, like in the joints. I managed to zombie-walk back to the bed. I fell back asleep until DH came home with some lunch and after not having any fast-food for a long time, it was nice to scarf down a Whopper. I was super hungry and it tasted like a pile of heaven. He also got me an ice cold Diet Coke and- what a gentleman- a heating pad. Lord he is such a good husband. He makes me want to just pinch his buttcheeks right off. So, we ate (on our bed like animals) and talked for a few minutes before he headed back out. I am now pretty much stuck to the bed since I can't really move. I switch the heating pad from my lower back, to my lower abdomen and vice versa every 20 minutes. It is helping but wow- this is intense. I called my doctor just to make sure this is normal and not too severe and his nurse said "Yep, Provera can cause some really horrible cramps and pain. He said that it is normal." She then said  "He's had a few patients who can't get out of bed at all." that made me feel better so I said "Well, add me to that list!" and she laughed. So, I guess I'm not dying after all. (Imagine my surprise?)



Now here it is, 1 pm and I'm still in my santa claus pj shirt. Yeah, I have a santa claus shirt... lol It's a t-shirt that looks like a santa claus suit and on the left side of the chest it says "Does this suit make me look fat?" It's actually suppose to be DH's shirt but, like every other "lounge" shirt he gets, I steal and wear when I'm having a down day. There is just something nice about his big shirts that make me feel comforted when he is away.



Here is a little other news. It doesn't have anything to do with my cramps, but DH is applying for a promotion at the police station and if he gets it, it will be a nice raise and FULL benefits for everything; dental, vision, medical, 401k, paid vacation and sick leave, paternity leave, etc. If he gets the job, we will also be moving. Right now we are in a 2 bedroom, 1 bath house and although I love it for the most part, I know we are ready for something bigger and nicer with less stress. Right now, if we had a baby, i'd have to get rid of my office to make it the baby's room.This house has radiant heating, EXCEPT for the second bedroom and that is simply not okay. There is no way we could have a baby in that room during the winter, so it's definite that we'd need to move anyway. We also would like our own bathroom separate than the one for guests. I love the big vaulted ceilings, the walk-in closet and the huge rooms, but I know we can find something else that has all that, and more. We started looking at houses yesterday and if we increased our monthly payments by a couple hundred bucks, we can get A LOT more in this area and surrounding areas. we found an AMAZING house in Springville, which is 2 small cities from where we are at. We're in Orem and his work is in Provo. Springville is south of Provo so it's literally a hop, skip and jump away from where we are now and it's in a lovely suburban community. The house is huge- 3 nice big rooms, 2 full big baths. Master bedroom with walk in closet and an en-suite master bath. Nice vaulted ceilings, nice big kitchen with stainless steel appliances, brand new huge washer and dryer, 2 car garage, a big basement, fenced back yard, formal dining, the list seems to go on and on. I fell in love when I saw the pictures and literally, if we could move there right now, I'd already be packing EVEN WITH all this painful cramping. It is just so pretty and exactly what we want in a house. I don't think we'd ever need anything more than this, so I could see us being there very long term. There wasn't one thing I'd change about it. And for the price... oh my gosh! what a great deal! I'm having a hard time believing it's still on the market! DH said it's a sign, that it's waiting for us. LOL We like to pretend and dream and right now, I think life would be so on track if A. he got the job B. we got that house and then C. we got pregnant. All of our dreams would be coming true... is that even possible in life????


Anyway, I just made myself get up and walk around and use the restroom and I am soooo pleased to say that it is now 1:31 pm and after 3 months of waiting, I JUST GOT MY PERIOD!!!!!!!!!!! :)



I hope everyone is having a great day and week. Thanks for all of the support, love, prayers and care! Sending you all good fertile vibes and magic this season!




XoXo

Provera Day 5

So today is the 5th day being on Provera and I feel totally fine. The only side effects (and they are minor) is breast tenderness and a TINY amount of lower cramps here and there. I admit, on day #2, I had a teeeeeny tiny mood swing (tiny to me but probably not so small to DH!) but I honestly haven't noticed much else. Out of the all the side effects, I feel I've gotten lucky. My doctor told me that I will probably have low side effects with the Clomid as well, so that is good to know!

This means I only have 2 more days of Provera and then *hopefully* my AF arrives. I am now CD 41 and man, I never thought I'd be wanting my AF quite so much as I do right now!!!! Who knew infertility would bring on so much humility and overall respect for the female reproductive system? I guess that saying is true that the Lord will only give you what you can handle, and while I don't know if we will even end up with a child after all of this, I do know now that I can handle it. It's hard, it's devastating and I will never forget the things I've felt and realized, but I can say that it has made me extremely appreciative. I think women who struggle to become mothers are the ones who end up making the best mothers. Anyone can want to be a parent. But it takes a strong, amazing woman to FIGHT for motherhood. I think this is one of the reasons my Mom is such an incredible person and mother. She struggled with unexplained infertility and only got 3 children in 20 years without contraception. She loves, supports and cherishes her children no matter how old they get, no matter what they do or have done and is really without a doubt, an amazing parent. I hope and pray that I am half the momma she is!

I'm spending the night with my DH and nephew and we are having a blast playing games on the Wii and PS2. We enjoyed a pepperoni pizza with a big salad and are now about to watch some tv. I feel blessed to have the things I do in my life and most definitely ready for the next phase that my doctor has planned for me. Fingers and toes crossed for a quick AF arrival and a good response to Clomid. Maybe, just maybe, we will receive our New Years BFP?!?!?

XoXo

AF is MIA *again*

So it's now December 5th. My AF (aunt flow) was due November 30th. There are no still no signs of her coming, other than the slight cramps I've been having. I called my doctor last week and the nurse told me I had to wait a few days for AF to arrive, if it still doesn't come, then I was told to call back. Sp, I called today and the doctor talked to me and told me he is going to fax in a prescription for Provera. It's a hormone-based pill designed to help women get their period. I have to take it for 7 days, and *hopefully* after that, AF comes and I can start feeling normal again. God knows I need that right about now. I didn't have a normal period last time either, and I haven't detected ovulation EVER. Since 10/29, something has thrown my body off, completely. I have not had any blood at all since 10/31, and that was minimal spotting that had started on the 29th. All through October- NOTHING. November- NOTHING. Now into December and still NOTHING. Where the heck is my period? I got it normal for September. It was about 6 days long, and according to schedule. Yet, when I was due to get it on November 1, I spotted on October 29th. Now I was set to get it November 30th and I don't even get any spotting? I'm just so frustrated. I'm having such a hard time trying to monitor and keep track of my body. I take my BBT every morning. I simply don't understand what the temperature changes are telling me. The last couple of days it has been higher than average, but the OPK's are negative. Regardless, we are still baby-dancing every other night, but I'm just feeling like there is no point in trying anymore. I FINALLY get a prescription from the doctor for a fertility drug to possibly help us conceive that miracle baby and my body decides to not cooperate at all. So, the 5-pill-prescription sits in my cupboard, waiting. Meanwhile, that's money spent that I don't feel like I got anything from because I haven't been able to take it! Now, I have to spend money and take a prescription to get my period? It just all seems to cruel. To me, if you aren't pregnant your period should show up every month like clockwork, give or take a FEW days. If your period doesn't show up, then you should be pregnant. Plain and simple! Life would be so much easier if things worked this way. Simple, understandable, etc. I am sure a lot of women would be much happier and satisfied in life and with themselves if our bodies, nature and life would just give us some slack when we need it the most.

Anyway, I have been really cheerful the last few days, trying to remain positive and hopeful but right now, I am pretty much spent in positivity. Just an update to my TTC/IF friends... I hope everyone is doing well.

XoXo