I came across a new blog today and after YEARS of being infertile, failed IVF's, and all the "blues" of TTC, she is finally pregnant. She found out recently she is having a baby boy and I thought: "I am genuinely happy for her."
I've recently been bombarded with news of those around me who have just recently had a baby or found out they are pregnant. And while my first reaction a few days ago was to scream, ignore them and/or curse the world, I decided I'd rather be happy than angry. Being a mother is something I'm praying for... so why would I have so much hostility towards those that already received that blessing? It's like a child who's parents can't afford to buy them the newest video game, but they find out their friend has it instead. Do they suddenly stop being friends with them because they have something they want? No. For goodness sake, it isn't YOUR baby that I want. No doubt your baby is cute, mushy, smells good and tugs on my ovaries, but it is indeed your baby, not mine.
I've decided to focus on myself for now. It seems selfish, but I have to. I'm going through something mentally and while I am a firm believer of making things work, I'm also a huge cry-baby. So, for the time being, I'm focusing on finding answers regarding my reproductive health. Maybe one day I will have the motivation and skills necessary to go back and get my PhD but until then... I need to find stability within myself.
XoXo
XoXo
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