It's just the "pms" talking, right?

After yet another "two-week-wait" I've learned I am still not pregnant. Surprise? Nah. But thanks to my current "lady days", my ovary strings are controlling my emotions and my "mom gene" is in the fast lane. It is once again my bi-weekly weekend with my nephew. Tim and I went with my Mom to pick him up yesterday afternoon and we discovered the sweetheart has a bad case of Hives. No it's not an allergic reaction or a heat rash, but none other than the kiddos emotional well being. Mind you, I got hives ALL. THE. TIME. as a kid, but it never happened this young. Mine were also due to emotions and stress but I worried about other things, like making friends, trying to fit in, a bad grade at school, etc. Whereas this child is 10, and lives just exactly where he does, it was only a matter of time before his inner turmoil showed on the outside. No one can pinpoint exactly what triggered this case but of course, there are assumptions to cover up the ACTUAL issue. Regardless of the how and why, my heart is aching. He woke up this morning after being so snugly in bed to learn that he was COVERED from head-to-toe in the big, itchy welts. The look on his face nearly broke my heart. I had to cover up my initial reaction to not freak him out even more. I was on the phone with my mom at the time, and she decided it was best to take him home and force his "parents" to take him to the doctor. (you would think this would be a no-brain-er, but sometimes, it's like pulling teeth!) So I gave him a Benedryl, rubbed some Calamine lotion on him and gave him a bowl of cereal. 

Externally, I know there is nothing else I can do for him. I am not his mother, so I can't keep him here, where there is comfort, love and respect for him. I can't take him to the doctor to ensure he is treated properly and I can't demand the environment he lives in be a more child-friendly one. I get all this.

Internally? I'm an emotional mess. My desire to be a mother is strong, and even more so when I get the pleasure of tending to him on a bi-weekly basis, even if for just one night. No matter what, every time he comes to visit, we have fun. We learn something new, we have a wholesome meal, play some games or watch a movie and go to sleep knowing our teeth are brushed, our bodies are clean, and our beds are comfy. It pains me inside to know that the child has some emotional baggage, no doubt in my mind as to why, but once again, he is TEN. He IS a child and he really deserves the respect and care to be treated as one. I am a STRONG believer that no matter what, children should not know about parental issues such as: financial burdens, sexual deviancy, or the day-to-day stresses of being a parent. A kid should not worry what is for breakfast. A kid should not worry if he will be able to eat school lunch. A kid should not worry if he has any clean clothes, undies and socks to wear to school. A kid should not worry about how bills will get paid or where they are going to live or how come things are so disgustingly unclean. A child DESERVES a clean home, clean clothes, food on the table, proper instruction on how to brush your teeth, comb your hair and shower properly. A child should be greeted home from school, welcomed in fact. A child should be taught how to do homework, and to ask questions if he needs to. A child should have not just one, but TWO parents to go to when there is inner turmoil. If there can't be two parental figures, even just ONE would suffice. A kid should be talked to, like a human. Taught how to grow, learn, be happy and ask questions. The wonder of children SHOULD be innocent, pure, and beautiful. What happened to children being children? What happened to respect for your child, EVEN if he is not biologically yours? EVEN if you are upset, or don't understand the situation. EVEN if you are a selfish person, you put ALL of that aside for the child you have. 

Do people realize how lucky they are to have children? Whether it's biological, adopted, or through a relationship, once you take on that role of being a parent, that doesn't just go away. You have to ACTUALLY BE A PARENT. Ten years in a child's life and you can't manage to dig through your own BULLSHIT (forgive my language) to be a grown-up adult for your child? REALLY? The entire lifestyle, the current situation and allllllllll the turmoil makes me sick to my stomach. My heart, my thoughts and my prayers go out to not only my nephew but all of the thousands of children in unsafe, unhappy, unstable living situations.